Notes from Overground

eledriel @ 2009-11-20T17:56:00

2009-11-20T22:56:09Z

Zack and I have our first anniversary today. Technically we got together a bit sooner and this is my "independence from that other guy" day, but I'm okay with how the man measures time. Any time measured with him is fine by me. It's all strange this stability thing. I'm living in a world right now where nothing is stable except my relationships with people. I've come unstuck from institutions. After next semester, who knows where I'll be? Probably NYC, but that's far from a sure bet. At any rate, the way things are now, my friends and my family and my Zack are all I'm sure I've got. And boy am I ever sure. The kid is getting on a plane in a few hours and flying clear across the ocean in the middle of the semester to spend 8 days in a country where he doesn't speak the language just to see me. Lucky doesn't begin to explain what I am. Here's to the past year (one of the best ones of my life in spite of all the weirdness it brought) and to the years to come!

I call this little number "Death comes for the Duchess" after an engraving from the danse macabre tradition that I absolutely love. Not an emo poem, but one that the work I'm doing at the moment - editing that paper I presented at that conference a year ago - put me in the mood to write. We Early Modernists have a tendency to view the morbid as something natural, I suppose. Anyway, comments encouraged.

Her mask is growing sickly, thin,
Reveals the skull beneath the skin.
The hollow sockets of her eyes,
a vasty void, show something wise.
Her figure, skeletal and slim;
A lipless mouth grins ghastly grim.
No cosmetics can perfect,
Nor salves nor oils now protect,
No sweet perfume disguise decay,
No prayers can keep the rot at bay.
From birth we know the hour must come
When mortal flesh will fall undone.
Sure she will die before she'll wake,
and dancing Death her soul will take.

I used to live alone...

2009-09-09T23:17:22Z

It occurs to me how baffling it really ought to be that I'm reclining on a more or less comfortable bed in the suburbs of Segovia. I ought to have died almost four years ago in a slightly more comfortable bed in eastern Pennsylvania. I figure by now I ought to be over it. Four years is a fucking long time, and a lot has happened, but apparently depression is a lot like cancer in that it sticks around, lurking just out of sight, waiting for its opening.   Living here, so far from home and so close to myself, I'm starting to slip. It's strange to feel the old sinking feeling in new surroundings. There's something almost thrilling about the novelty of having my guts sucked out in a castle or in a gothic cathedral - some sense of romance, of history that I didn't have the first time around. It feels about a million times worse, which makes it infinitely worse than I ever thought possible.

That said, the change in scenery hasn't caused much of a change in me. I still have the same coping mechanisms I used to: lying to all the people who care enough to worry while reaching out to people who don't give a fuck. I've been thinking all day about trying to get in touch with Luke or Sean or...gods forbid...Andrea. I don't really want to talk to any of them particularly; it's just how I dealt with these things before.  It's funny how all these years of learning to live again have left me entirely unprepared (and possibly unable) to deal with the very illness that caused me to need the re-education in the first place. Fucked up, no?

Since I can't resort to any of the defense mechanisms that worked in the past, I've been thinking about the intervening years and trying to figure out why I'm even able to feel like this. Was it spending freshman year more or less alone? Was it the "defining my sexual orientation, falling in love, getting cheated on and lied to, and then denied" fiasco of that summer? Was it sleeping with Luke winter of sophomore year (was that sophomore year?)? Was it the disastrous results of dabbling in slavery last year? The divorce? Anxiety about the future?  The essential Spanishness of my current surroundings? The sneaking suspicion that I might get my happy ending?   Perhaps it's the disconcerting certainty that I'm not good, just lucky. Unlike skill, luck eventually runs out.

Speaking of luck, I have a Zack, so the bottom of the bottomless pit is ever so slightly less absent than it might otherwise be. Still...ouch.

eledriel @ 2009-07-22T01:40:00

2009-07-22T05:49:06Z

Dexter is awesome. Zack and I have been squeeing over it. It doesn't even make me feel crazy that the only characters I like are a cop played by an actual ex cop and two serial killers (one crazier than the other). Also, there's a sexy English woman in the second season who - like my beloved Zack - has lips so fantastic they have to be on purpose.

In other news, check the facebook for my potential next crazy purchase: a pair of fucking expensive and extremely cool boots. Of course, it'll cost all the money I planned to spend before Spain to get these sexy boots of awesome, but I don't plan on spending much anyway. None of my vacations are going to cost much, so I'm not sure why I feel so guilty spending my money on something I want. I guess I'm just cheap.

Finally, it looks like I'm going to try for either Teach for America or other alternative teacher certification programs and wind up earning my MA in education while working for a high-need school in NYC - assuming all goes according to plan. Of course, it's also possible I'll just go to grad school for English and see what comes after, but getting a decent job sooner rather than later is appealing.

eledriel @ 2009-07-16T02:10:00

2009-07-16T06:14:11Z

General Notice: I'll be in NYC for the weekend. Feel free to call/text, but be warned that I'm unlikely to answer as I'll be distracted by Frozac Q. Frozackerson, Esq., King of SexyTime, Puns, and FFVII. ♥♥♣♥

I just realized how odd that is. Only an idiot like yours truly would go to the center of the universe in order to shut the universe out. Go me

So...

2009-06-27T05:12:36Z

I saw my mom's new house today. No thoughts really. She's a hyperbitch who has her reasons, I suppose. Still, I can't help but be primarily loyal to Dad b/c he did nothing wrong (she should have told him about her problems) and because he obviously needs someone but has no one. Also, he didn't have an affair and spend hundreds of dollars on jewelery for someone other than his spouse.

Nevertheless, I wish he'd stop with the "don't make the same mistakes I made" speech. Zack and I are solidly in love and have a plan. It should work out, and if it doesn't, we're both tough and responsible. Zack's designated worrier anyway, so I'll leave it to him to freak out, I suppose. I met his mom and stepdad last weekend. They're really great. So's his dad's girlfriend. His dad, not so much, but still okayish more or less. I also almost met John Waters but he had a date. ;_; Maybe next time. It means a lot that Zack's people like me and think I make him happy. It's nice to know it's not all in my head.

In other news, I'm getting pretty good at this cooking thing. Maybe I'll demonstrate at some point.

Furthermore, Craig is being hilarious as usual.

"Actually, I was deported for perkiness."
"It's a penis substitute!"

In conclusion, I'm entirely too sober. Drinking fun should happen soon.

eledriel @ 2009-06-05T01:26:00

2009-06-05T05:29:34Z

All plans for tomorrow are off, which I'm sure comes as a surprise for those of you who didn't know we had plans for tomorrow. The worst case scenario is apparently the current reality, and I'm not at liberty to say anything more than that my life is about to suck in ways I never expected.

eledriel @ 2009-06-01T23:55:00

2009-06-02T03:57:42Z

Conan is SO amazing on The Tonight Show! OMG!

PS: Here's a happy song.

eledriel @ 2009-05-27T01:30:00

2009-05-27T05:41:12Z

it's strange to think the funny little world i used to belong to no longer exists. i wonder what will happen to us all as we scatter? will jim follow hayley? will the ties that we forged be flexible enough to connect us over longer distances, around sharp corners, and in spite of the chaos outside? i admit that place was always in disorder, but ours was a benign chaos. leaving high school was different. i wasn't friends with upperclassmen, and i can't really say i feel nostalgia for that once upon a time in that hell dimension. it's true that the core fell apart and the second core didn't last very long either, but we had one hell of an autumn. in the end it was a good place. i think only a few of us really appreciate how it changed over the past three years. honestly, though the golden age was supposedly two years ago, i think this fall was the best for many of us in the long run. new loves, new complexities, a gradual growing together that allowed us to grow apart - or helped us stay together. ribs and movies, board games and word games, video hijinks, interim bliss...it all feels like a fairy tale. after only a week, reality has driven me so far away from that world that it might as well be a castle in the sky.

eledriel @ 2009-05-22T02:10:00

2009-05-22T06:12:14Z

FOOD:
What is your salad dressing of choice?
Italian because I'm boring.

What is your favorite sit down restaurant?
The Nazareth Diner's full of memories, but I think it has to be Morici's because it's "our" restaurant and also has the best pizza and chicken parm on College Hill.

What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
McDonald's. Sonic is good, but even tater tots and diet Dr. Pepper combined can't compete with the mighty McNugget.

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Soup (preferably Italian Wedding or Chicken Corn Chowder) and/or a turkey sandwich

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Pepperoni and broccoli. Sometimes together, sometimes separately.

TECHNOLOGY*
How many televisions are in your house
8 that are working and one or two more that are just sitting in the attic for some reason.

What color cell phone do you have?
red

BIOLOGY*
Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right-handed

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
four teeth and some blood.

What is the last heavy item you lifted?
depends on how heavy "heavy" is. either a box of books or a particularly heavy bag of groceries.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Not that I remember.

BULLCRAPOLOGY*
Would you want to know the day you will die?
Nope. I try to live so that it wouldn't make a difference if I did know, so it's irrelevant.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I'm not sure. I hate my name, but it's fairly entrenched in my identity at this point.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Nope. I need money, but not that badly. I'm pretty sure drinking a whole bottle of hot sauce would result in physical damage.

DUMBOLOGY*
How many pairs of flip-flops do you own?
1. They're black with skulls, and I only wear them in the shower.

Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
Senior year of high school.

Last person you talked to?
My dad.

Last person you hugged?
Sra. Tcherviakova

FAVORITOLOGY*
Season?
Fall.

Holiday?
Halloween.

Day of the week?
Friday. The sudden release of stress after the last class/hour of work is pretty sweet.

Month?
October. It's beautiful.

CURRENTOLOGY*
Missing someone?
My loveguy

Mood?
sleepy/anxious/excited

What are you listening to?
a rerun of the 11:00 news

Worrying about?
my thesis, the loveguy, Spain, family stuff

RANDOMOLOGY*
First place you went this morning?
to the high school with Zip

What's the last movie you saw?
Harvie Krumpet's only a short film, so I'll say Goodfellas.

Do you smile often?
Yep.

MEOLOGY*
Do you always answer your phone?
Unless I don't hear it/am too far away to make it on time

It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Probably a drunken Zip

If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I wouldn't. My eyes are the thing I like best about me.

What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
I don't. Straight Diet Dr Pepper is the way to go.

Do you own a digital camera?
Yeah, but it's crappy, so I'll be buying a new one soon.

Have you ever had a pet fish?
A few, but they weren't my idea.

What's on your wish list for your birthday?
Nothing really. I'll be in Spain, so maybe a visit from the loveguy. If someone were to pick up a copy of Perfect Prosecutor for when I get back, though, that would be cool.

Can you do pushups?
I could if I felt like it, but I'll probably never feel like it.

Can you do a chin up?
Nope.

Does the future make you more excited or nervous?
Both. It's exciting and absolutely terrifying all at once.

Do you have any saved texts?
I have undeleted texts, but no saved ones. I'm just too lazy to empty the inbox.

Do you have an accent?
Yep. Everybody does.

What is the last song to make you cry?
the Grateful Dead's "Box of Rain"

When was the last time you cried?
recently.

Plans tonight?
It's almost 2:00, but I do eventually have to clean up for Zack's visit tomorrow.

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yep.

Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
Soda, shampoo, and pineapple coconut haagen dasz

Have you ever been given roses?
Yep.

Current hate right now?
responsibilities, people who make life more grim than it needs to be.

Met someone who changed your life?
All the time.

How did you bring in the new year?
With the traditional party at Zip's house. I think I called Zack at midnight.

What song represents you?
Hmm...I have no idea, and it changes from day to day. Typing that last sentence reminded me of "Ruby Tuesday," but I don't think that's it.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Nope. I'm too happy where I am to risk ruining it by fucking with the time-space continuum.

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Nope, but I hope that the one I'm in seems like it will last forever - at least we both want it to.

Does anyone love you?
I think a few people do, but only one romantically.

Would you be a pirate?
Nah. Not enough bathing, and I don't like the ocean.

What songs do you sing in the shower?
"From a Balance Beam," "Let's Not Shit Ourselves," and "Haligh, Haligh, a Lie, Haligh" by Bright Eyes, various Beatles tunes, "Box of Rain" by the Grateful Dead, and whatever else comes to mind.

Ever had someone sing to you?
Andrea used to, and Luke used to sing at me, but I always thought he was really singing for Andrea.

Do you like to cuddle?
Absolutely. Cuddling is second only to squiggling, which is like full-contact, high octane extreme cuddling on steroids.

Have you held hands with anyone today?
Nope.

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Zack.

What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
What my parents listened to: classic rock.

Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
Most of my friends are old, but the new ones are equally important even if they are the minority.

Do you like pulpy orange juice?
I did before I had braces.

What is something your friends make fun of you for?
My braces, the way I look about ten years old, my crazy family, and pretty much everything really. It's all in good fun (I hope).

Have you ever ridden on an camel?
Nope.

When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly
I don't think I ever have. I hate jelly.

What were you doing at 2 AM last night?
Watching "Dollhouse" and knitting

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
*grumble*grumble*grumble* Why is it light out? Where's the dark? It's still time for sleepy night night.

Random Fandom Meme

2009-05-17T05:06:10Z

Pick up to 10 OTPs/ships.
Describe them in less than 15 words.
Have your flist guess the OTP.

(These are in no real order, and I honestly don't expect anyone to get #1, #8, or #9. They're not terribly popular.)

1. Even when they're completely different people, they still manage to fall in love. ROMANTIC!
2. She's way too tall for him, but so's that cross he's always carrying.
3. It seems the only thing she believes in is his dreamtasticness.
4. What could say love better than matching scars?
5. Badass blonds have to stick together - especially when they're stuck in bed.
6. Who wouldn't fall for a racecar driver/helicopter pilot/general master of everything?
7. That blonde's a bitch, man. You should've gone for the purple-haired one with the rack.
8. It's a shame hers is the kiss of death for giant robot pilots. Both were great.
9. It's too bad he can only show his love by dropping her into bottomless pits. ;_;
10. Why so serious, Doc? If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Answers later.

Epic Summer Fail

2009-05-04T19:37:24Z

Guess who's working at a job she doesn't love at $1.50/hour less than she used to make from 9:00 to 5:00 every weekday all summer long?! That's right! And that's in addition to having to complete my Honors thesis work. Oh well. At least I won't have to worry about money for Spain. On the positive side, I won't be sleeping in until noon and feeling guilty, and, as I'm going to be a teacher later in life, I can make sure I work nights somewhere during the summer to make up for the sleeping-in time I'm losing now. Huzzah indeed.

Speaking of the future, I have two more weeks at Lafayette before 8 months of freedom from this miserable hellhole (other than work at the library during the summer, that is). I hope they'll be two really good weeks as they're going to be the last ones spent living with the love of my life for 8 months - which isn't so bad when I remember that when we're finally reunited it'll be for life. Plus I'll be seeing him pretty regularly over the summer - if he knows what's good for him ;P. Anywho, it's nice to know that I'll only be mostly broke during the summer as at least 2/3 of every paycheck has to go toward Spain.

Also, does anyone else think today's weather is absolutely gorgeous? It's so clean and fresh and beautiful the way the raindrops filter through the blossoms. Granted, Lafayette's campus is the most beautiful place within a 15 mile radius or so.

Esos son los dias que me van a definir para siempre.

2009-04-26T02:22:54Z

I want it written that the past six months of adventure, beauty, novelty, and love (most of all love) will be the ones that define me forever. On such a beautiful spring night as this, I can't help but marvel at the romance (and the Romance) that has hijacked my life and look back in wonder at the colorful autumn and sparkling winter that led me to where I sit now. Soon I'll move on to another chapter, safe in the knowledge that whatever I do and wherever I go from here, this is my life.

Hello, halcyon days!

Did anybody ever find Tom Petty's big toe?

2009-03-28T23:25:16Z

This is the world's worst poetry. I particularly love the stanza about world peace. If there's a Chaucer of Cheese, I wonder if I can be the Chaucer of something?

eledriel @ 2009-03-17T00:00:00

2009-03-17T04:54:20Z

Neil Gaiman was fucking amazing on Colbert tonight - as usual. I nearly died.

Furthermore, this is incredibly badass.

eledriel @ 2009-03-11T23:16:00

2009-03-12T03:26:19Z

Tengo buenísimas noticias: ¡Voy a España! Recibí la carta de aceptación esta tarde. Soy feliz, por supuesto, pero también tengo miedo de que mi viaje va a arruinar mi relación con Zack. Lo quiere más que puedo decir. Es mi felicidad, mi hogar, mi vida...para mi es todo. Él dice que me esperará, pero me siento dejarlo así. Ahora que recibí la carta, tengo que dejar todo al destino y la suerte. Como dice la canción, qué será, será.

eledriel @ 2009-02-24T11:23:00

2009-02-24T16:23:51Z

1:52 AM = love.

My hair's too sexy for my head...

2009-01-16T23:39:07Z

Q: What's black and red and badass all over?

A: My hair. It must be seen to be believed - so come see it sometime!

I'm actually concerned that I'm not cool enough to live up to my new do. I'm sure I'll learn to live with the higher expectations.

Obligatory Year-End Survey

2008-12-30T22:12:51Z

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? I have no idea. I guess I left someone, which is a switch. Usually I'm the one to be abandoned. Also I presented a paper at a conference. That was pretty exciting. Also I got braces, which only kinda sucked.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Last year, my goals were to finish one of the bunch of novels I've started, to successfully lead the Anime Club to a convention, to not be stupid when it comes to romantic/sexual relationships, and to devote myself more passionately to my studies. I was a bit more hardcore about my studies - or was more successful in spite of my slacking off, at any rate. I failed at all the other stuff, though. This year I resolve to be true to myself, to be more intelligent about my relationships, and to leave the Anime Club better off than it was when I found it. Also, I resolve to stop overthinking everything and enjoy thinking of this insignificant existance as the game it actually is.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? no

4. Did anyone close to you die? no

5. What countries did you visit? None. I stayed pretty much put, but I did make plans to get the hell out of here (and to Madrid) next year.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? A plan or the guts to live life without one.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Finally getting stuff together with Frozac (Nov. 16-23), seeing The Dark Knight many times, various moments in Westfall's classes, amazing stuff in Anime Club (the end of Gurren Lagann, etc.), Haven amazingness (seeing Burn After Reading, playing Say Anything, rib night, the laundry room & lounge sleepover), my 21st birthday, gummy bears

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Having such an amazing time in spite of myself

9. What was your biggest failure? Not putting an end to things with XP when I should have

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Well, the depression is far from completely gone, but I was otherwise fairly healthy except for that week I spent in bed unable to eat

11. What was the best thing you bought? I have no idea. My PS2 maybe? Or my green converse. They're pretty cool.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? All of my friends, especially Zip and Hayley, who deal with most of my drama. Most of all Zack, whose selflessness is incredible.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My own, my parents', my grandfather's, XP's, and the government's.

14. Where did most of your money go? Books, clothes, eating out with my friends

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Gurren Lagann, The Dark Knight, my various romantic exploits, The Revenger's Tragedy & my presentation, Spanish comic books, Scrabble, etc.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Hmm...there are a lot, so I'll just say the openings from Anime Club stuff (Sakura Kissu, Sorairo Days, the Soul Eater & Zetsubou Sensei openings, etc.), the FLCL soundtrack (esp. Little Busters), songs from Lola, Various Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, and Blue Oyster Cult tunes, certain songs by The Weakerthans (particularly "Uncorrected Proofs," "Civil Twilight," "Aside," "Watermark," and "A New Name for Everything"), and of course RAW RAW FIGHT DA POWA!!!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? I'm much happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? the same. sometimes thinner, sometimes fatter. it depends.
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer but about to be richer before becoming even poorer still.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? reading things I got to choose and burning the world down.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? It's a toss-up between self-pity, self-loathing, and being stupid.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? The usual suspects (parents, Opa, siblings) wasted the day and then went out for Chinese.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with? XP.

22. Did you fall in love in 2008? I have no clue. Once, maybe twice. Maybe not at all really.

23. What was your favorite TV program? Doctor Who. Ghost in the Shell, Gurren Lagann, Lola, Jeopardy, The Simpsons, and the various things we watched in Anime Club are next followed by random comedy shows (Upright Citizens Brigade, Kids in the Hall) that Jim forced on us. I didn't watch a ton of tv this year.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nah. I'm too lazy to hate. It's a lot more work than people think. Of course, I'll always have an over-developed sense of self-loathing, but other than that I'd like to focus my energies on love. It's a much more rewarding form of self-destruction.

25. What was the best book you read? The Revenger's Tragedy followed by Bardin el superrealista, which has to be the weirdest comic I've ever seen. The Killing Joke deserves a mention, as do Sandman and Watchmen for notable re-reads. I didn't have a lot of time to read outside of class, but most of what we read for Revenge and Restoration and for Chaucer was fun . It's a shame I felt compelled to live Troilus and Criseyde.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?   I dunno. I rediscovered the pillows and stopped suppressing my love of metal. The Weakerthans are probably the best actual discovery, though.

27. What did you want and get? An interesting first semester, good friends, a man who adores me and can beat me at Scrabble, a good Batman movie

28. What did you want and not get? Social skills, superpowers, a chance to travel with the Doctor, a plan.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?   The Dark Knight. So much of the important stuff that has happened to me has been tied to that movie. Furthermore, it's Batman and features the Joker, who is fucking amazing.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I went to class. Ro baked me a pudding cake. I tried to throw a party for the school friends and the home friends at my parents' house. I drank a rather large number of girly drinks.  I got dumped. I got undumped even though I knew I shouldn't have. I turned 21.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Jeans, and t-shirts - most often black with sweatshirts, my Yggdrasil necklace, and green converse.

32. What kept you sane? friends, good times, books, video games, school, and sheer willpower.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? The Doctor. Also Major Motoko Kusanagi (GitS) and Kamina (Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann)

34. What political issue stirred you the most? I tend to see the big, meaningless picture, so I was generally terrified and appalled by the entirety of world politics, but I did pay attention to the election from time to time. I even voted.

35. Who did you miss? First of all, it's "whom" ;p.   I missed my friends from home when I was at school and my friends from school when I was at my parents' (like I am now). Also my crazy uncle.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Frozac. I technically met him in 06, but we weren't as close as we are now until he moved onto Haven this year. I really enjoyed the unholy trio (aka the second core) of Carlos, Frozac, and I. It's a shame we had to kill it.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008? Everything burns.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Do the impossible! See the invisible!
Raw! Raw! Fight the power!
Touch the untouchable! Break the unbreakable!
Raw! Raw! Fight the power! ("Rap no tamashii da...")

Juega conmigo a enloquecer.
Viajaremos juntos a traves de la galaxia.
Yo te prometo que al volver
Nunca volveras a ver la vida sin luz ni sin magia.
No importa si la soledad te atrapa al aterrizar -
Yo estare cerca calmando la tormeta.
No necesitas comprender
Si esto esta mal o esta bien.
No hay que pagar peajes en estos viajes. ("Euforia" - La Sonrisa de Julia con Ivan Ferreiro)

Unseen, I strike the finishing blow
I've survived even this era
Beneath a illusory sky
I can hardly remember what I was afraid of
Secretly watching over the town
I step about carelessly
Setting fires everywhere
What was the name of that town, anyway? ("Last Dinosaur" - the pillows)

Measure me in metered lines
And one decisive stare
The time it takes to get from here to there
My ribs that show through t-shirts
And these shoes I got for free
I'm unconsoled
I'm lonely
I am so much better than I used to be

Terrified of telephones
And shopping malls and knives
Drowning in the pools of other lives
Rely a bit too heavily
On alcohol and irony
Get clobbered on by courtesy
In love with love and lousy poetry

And I'm leaning on this broken fence
Between past and present tense
And I'm losing all those stupid games
That I swore I'd never play
But it almost feels okay

Circumnavigate this body
Of wonder and uncertainty
Armed with every precious failure
And amateur cartography
I'm breathing deep before
I spread those maps out on my bedroom floor

And I'm leaning on this broken fence
Between past and present tense
And I'm losing all those stupid games
That I swore I'd never play
But it feels okay

And I'm leaving with goodbye
And I'm losing but I'll try
With the last ways left
To remember sing
My imperfect offering ("Aside" - The Weakerthans)

Shut up, Junpei!

2008-12-29T16:43:16Z

Shin Megami Tensei Persona 3 FES is almost as amazing as my new red knee socks with skulls. Also, the FLCL box set is apparently going out of print because Broccoli International is folding? Tragedy!

Holy mother of god! It's Christmas!

2008-12-26T00:58:51Z

In descending order of deliciousness, here's this year's traditional post of the xmas haul:

3 Kinder eggs
Lego Batman (PS2)
Second wired controller (PS2) - wireless controllers eat batteries and I hate them
A new 19" HDTV/computer monitor for my dorm (a great idea on my parents' part. The extra space will be MUCH appreciated by Gloriana, who will be occupying it.)

My sister got Chocobo Dungeon and Sam got a train set and the WALL-E game. I'm sure I'll end up playing those as well. This might be my first bookless, dvdless Christmas. To say I'm shocked is an understatement.

A Christmas Curiosity

2008-12-25T04:12:06Z

While looking at various websites about medieval/renaissance-y Christmas stuff (b/c Casino Royale ended half an hour ago and I'm home alone with nothing to do), I came across a rather interesting Christmas carol. It's kind of hilarious in that it portrays Jesus doing (and having done to him) some things that one usually doesn't expect. It's certainly a nice counterpart to the other carol I like: the Coventry Carol, which is about the slaughter of the innocents. Of course, there's always "What Child Is This?" - you can't go wrong with Greensleeves.

My Christmas has been dull. Being an atheist (the only one in my house) and also too sick to leave the house (according to my mom anyway), I skipped church, which meant spending almost all day alone. Why they needed to leave at 1:00 for a program that started at 5:00 is beyond me. At any rate, after Love Actually and twice through A Christmas Story, there wasn't much left to do but sit in the dark and bug the other atheists online. It's a shame we're such a select group. At any rate tomorrow should be good. At any rate, it will begin with presents for the kids, be extended family-free, and end in Chinese food.

Merry Jingly, everybody!

eledriel @ 2008-12-22T21:51:00

2008-12-23T03:33:28Z

Page C4 of the Express-Times (the one on the back of the comics and horoscope) is mine, mine I tells ya! I even have a full-color blurb in left-thumb position on the front page. Not bad, really. Sure, it's not front page, but it is anchoring the feature section and is connected to a part of the paper most people read. It's strangely hot real estate, or so my editor says. At any rate, woohoo for being a minor local person of passing notice (or, as my parents seem to believe, the next Anderson Cooper).

NHK ni youkuso!

2008-12-20T06:43:05Z

Today I finished watching Welcome to the NHK, which turns out to be one of the weirder anime series I've ever seen if not one of the better. In style, it's a lot like Beck in that it deals with one guy who's sort of normal and the crazy people (including one girl who looks exactly like Ray's little sister in Beck) who surround him. It's dark in tone but not as morbid as I thought it would be, pessimistic but not entirely bleak, and generally faithful to what happens when a bunch of toxic people are left alone together. It took a while for the characters to grow on me - especially the senpai character and Yamazaki, the otaku neighbor. I did eventually begin to care for them - just in time for the characters to embark on the series of failed suicides that comprise the bulk of the plot of the show's latter episodes. Welcome to the NHK delivers in terms of production values a visual element (character design, setting, etc.) similar to that of Beck (I suspect they're by the same studio but can't be bothered to look) but without the latter's amazing soundtrack. All in all, the show is gentle - even merciful - with the dark realities it probes, but the characters become human a bit too late for such treatment to mean very much. If you're up for something a bit bleaker and closer to reality than the usual happy-go-lucky fare, go for it. If not, you can safely give it a miss.

estare cerca calmando la tormenta

2008-12-10T14:46:35Z

The conference went well. Due to various emergencies, my cheering section was reduced to Prof. Van Dyke and Sarah, the other presenter from Laf, but the small audience of outsiders (six in all, which is an impressive showing considering the boring title they had for the session I was part of was "Medieval Morality"). There were three of us: one guy did a really dumb paper the thesis of which was "in Hamlet, only Hamlet can see the ghost" and a girl who wrote about how "Thomas More's satirical work Utopia is a satire." Way to state the obvious, guys! My paper got a really enthusiastic response, which I found thrilling. There were tons of relevant and interesting questions that demonstrated people were actually thinking about what I'd said. Much to my surprise, they came mostly from the moderator and non-Laf folk.

This week has been hell. I broke my glasses into 3 pieces while watching Oldboy in bed with the new guy, so now I can't really see very well because my contacts are old enugh to be the wrong prescription. On the plus side, new glasses were necessary. I have two papers, an article, and an exam standing between me and freedom. Woo! Unfortunately, they're all going to come due at once and at a time when I also have to cram in a bunch of hours at the library plus packing up plus spending time with the Frozackary since I won't see him from the 16th of December to the 3rd of January. I'd look on the bright side and say break is coming, but that's small comfort when break will be full of writing a play for my mom and working on the internship from hell, which refuses to end ever apparently.

</whinging>

On a happier note, TDK came out on dvd yesterday, and I got to watch it again with the man who makes it special. Fro, Jim, and I also watched the Christmas ep of Invader Zim. It was fun. I will indeed have a merry jingley.

esto no es una joven.

2008-12-03T21:56:29Z

Guess what!? I'm not dead...yet! I am coming to the conclusion that some of my professors are actually trying to do me in. Fortunately that's something not even I can do. ;p Anywho, although the rest of this week promises to be absolutely lethal in terms of drudgery, there are a few exciting things in the future. First and foremost, this Saturday I'm presenting a paper ("Sure 'twould fright the sinner": Mortality and Morality in The Revenger's Tragedy) at what will be my first serious scholarly conference. Granted, it's only an undergraduate research conference, but it's still something. I'm pretty psyched - not least of all because my two favorite teachers of all time, Prof. Westfall and Mr. (now Prof.) Newman, will probably be there cheering me on - quite possibly along with my mom, who will be bored to tears or terrified - providing comic relief either way. Prof. Van Dyke, who is amazing, will also be there along with one other student who's presenting. It'll be amazing if I don't die before I even get there. I'm so excited to begin taking myself seriously as a scholar. It's dork-tastic!

Other than the conference and working hard on my research paper about Spanish comic books (all 20+ pages of it x_x), I haven't had a lot of time to myself, and what little I have had has (conjugation=lulz) been devoted to resolving the Frozac/LA/XP polygon. Hopefully the latter realizes that we were always going to self-destruct. I know it's a tough thing to hear. I didn't want to believe it either when I first figured it out, but we were just too different. Someone who hides from everything and needs me to pretend everything is always okay to protect him just isn't my kind of guy no matter how much I used to wish he were. The Frozac is as sweet and amazing as anyone I've ever met (plus he's cool, which adds to my coolness level), and I'm very, very happy with him. Plus he puns well. It's weird to be embroiled in drama that, though I caused the events that initiated it, I neither started nor perpetuated. Going with the flow (and standing in front of the landslide to try to stop it) is more or less a foreign concept to me.

On a sort of closing-type note, I figured I'd announce to the general public that I'll be getting out of here on the 16th, which both is and isn't soon enough for my liking. In a way, this has been a very good semester that I would love to make last for as long as possible - except that that would definitely lead to my premature demise. To illustrate, I have consumed over the past two days 11 Diet Dr Peppers (to the tune of 220 ounces containing 763.25 mg of caffeine) plus an unknown number of Diet Cokes in order to keep myself awake long enough to write the goddamn papers I've been working on. As a point of interest, Diet Coke has 12 mgs (47-35 per 12 oz.) more caffeine than Coke Classic. Sure it has more carcinogens as well, but I'll have time to worry about those when I'm riddled with tumors in ten years. As for the caffeine, according to this calculato r, it would take 249 of them to kill me.